i need to tell you i love you. i feel like i do but im scared shitless to because of what happened last time. so does that maybe mean i dont but im really close to loving you? idk.  if you want me to tell you my feelings ill tell you them how you tell me them, through another vent. i feel like im starting to burry myself in sports more so than necessary just so i can distance myself from you so i dont fall again and end up getting hurt.  and since i blew up on you, we have barely talked.  i don’t blame you, i was an asshole, i agree with your vent, whichever # it was. btw theres 2 #10 vents. js. i miss the way we used to be, when i couldn’t help but smile even when you weren’t doing anything to make me smile.  i miss those screen grab convos, where i used to re-read everything every night before i went to sleep.  recently, i’ve only been wanting to sleep, or be away from my phone for any reason just so i didn’t have to face how distant we’ve been acting from eachother.  i want to apologize to you tonight.  i want to stop pushing you away and hurting you and myself.  i want to go back to making you smile and talking to you how i intend to talk to you, instead of trying to be mad and shortly-termed to you.  i want to send you goodmorning and goodnight and mean the good part without hesitation.  so there you have it, i read everything, and i understand what you said/where you come from.  i’m sorry for making you feel like a jerk, an ass, telling you what you did wrong, getting upset when all you said was okay just so you didn’t make me upset for a legitament reason.  i know how you feel now and how you were thinking then.  i know what your feeling and why your feeling that me.  dont get me wrong tho, i havent lost any of the feelings i have for you because of this little break we’ve had or whatever you’d like to call it.  i still wana be your everything one day, i still wana make you laugh, blush &smile all at the same time.  i still wana be the first person you think of and hear from in the morning and before you fall asleep. i still wana be here no matter what.  i still wana be able to tell you how much i miss you from being away for only a few hours because of sports.  and i still wana  come closer to there being an “us” with each second of every minute of every hour of every day. Now matter what happens… i dont want you to be one of my regrets.. and i wana tell you at the end of the day that i love you.  It may not start tonight or tomorrow… but as soon as im completely sure of my feelings beings that intense… I never want to stop feeling them.. cus in my eyes.. theres no one better for me than you.  you’re my little piece of heaven &hopefully it’ll all work out cus i dont wana keep fighting.. i want to go back to finding new things i like about you everyday.. I miss you RTO.. lets go back to how we should be :/ <3